Am I shallow?

*Godfather* · 03-26-2006, 03:08 PM

Alright, I need some advise and I respect you guys a lot so here goes.

So I've been seeing a girl a month or so now, going good. We're not terribly similar however. It's not the opposites attract, but we have fun, and are close and all despite some mostly minor differences, as is the same in almost every couple.

However, one difference is sticking out, and it bothers me for some reason, but I have a feeling it shouldnt. That difference is our feelings on education, studies and all that. I feel at this point it's very important; she'd much rather be doing anything other than study or do school work. She talks about how it's not challenging, so I say take tougher courses (she doesnt pull outstanding marks anyways). But she just says "there's better things to do than school, waste of time." I understand it's not for everyone; what I dont like is the weak attitude, it's just kinda lazy. Cant get it off my mind, I just feel knowledge is so important. Is it shallow of me not to just say "yah! Forget school if it's not your thing, dont bother trying harder" (with less sarcasm). Is it a bad sign that this bothers me? I dont want to be some Sienfeld character who ends relationships for things that I've blown out of proportion, and this one has never really been a big deal.

**Dragoness_Cutie** · 03-26-2006, 04:42 PM

I don't think that this is something to end a relationship over, but at the same time, I don't think there's anything wrong with your concern, either. Education is important. Maybe she's just in a phase where she's tired of school... trust me, I know how that feels. Anyways, my point is, I think you should let her know how important you think it is, and why her attitude bothers you.

wyeast · 03-26-2006, 07:19 PM

Everyone has hopes, dreams, priorities, and goals in life. Those goals and priorites can change as you wander through your journey. Education is important for many, but is also unimportant for many. I have friends who successfully go through life with just a HS or an associates degree. Others who persevere and obtain higher degrees.

Education is just one facet. Look at the total package. If she find education unimportant, but is committed and sticks with other goals, that's one thing. If she sorta drifts from goal to goal and not really doing much of any of it, that's another thing entirely.

Of course, youth plays into that as well. Sad to say many people (myself included) had very different sense of direction than we do when we are older.

That said, both of your goals/dreams/desires/plans are important in keeping a relationship together, so yeah. You should talk it over and see where you're at. Be open to her views, and see if she is open to yours.

*Godfather* · 03-26-2006, 09:19 PM

Thanks guys

The common theme seems to be 'talk it over.' I'll deffinatly do that.

Demur · 03-26-2006, 10:11 PM

Quoting: Dragoness_Cutie

I don't think that this is something to end a relationship over, but at the same time, I don't think there's anything wrong with your concern, either. Education is important. Maybe she's just in a phase where she's tired of school... trust me, I know how that feels. Anyways, my point is, I think you should let her know how important you think it is, and why her attitude bothers you.

I agree with DC! She be a canny lass.

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Life is like a game of cards. The hand that is dealt you represents determinism.
The way you play it is free will. ~ Jawaharlal Nehru

*G_Man* · 03-26-2006, 10:21 PM

Scholars, drunk on words and obscure meanings,
Weave a tangled web of concordances.
Simple practice never occurs to them.
Give up education, and the world would be better.

There are many who seek Tao through the intellect. They revel in thousands of concordances, seek similarities in all the worldâ€™s religions, conduct learned discourses for enthralled audiences. But they would reach the truth faster if they tied their thoughts to experience.

The intellect is inherently dualistic. It makes distinctions and creates new connections between concepts and calls that â€œmeaning.â€.? This type of analytical thinking is extremely limited in the face of Tao, which is not fully rational, not fully quantitative, not fully describable. Though most followers of Tao are leaned, they also realize that the intellect is but one aspect in what must be a multifaceted approach to Tao.

It is said one must give up education, not because we should be dumb, but because we must seek a level of consciousness beyond the intellect. We must study, but not to the point that emphasis on experience and meditation is lost. If we can combine the intellect and direct experience with our meditative mind, then there will be no barrier to the wordless perception of reality.

intellect
by Deng Ming-Dao
from the book 365 Tao
Daily Meditations

Just some more to wrap your head around, buddy.

**Sp00k** · 03-27-2006, 11:14 AM

I don't think there's a problem at all. I think personally you are doing the right thing in extending your education. There are some who choose not to & regret their decision later in life. Hence older & wiser.
I think its a case of you should both respect each others wishes rather than argue. Sure you can diagree over something & if the opinions are so strong in that they differ, there is an old adage my father taught me from a very young age.

Rather than argue your differences just agree to disagree & the peace will remain.

Shallow isn't the word GF, sometimes your so profound even G & I can't fathom you.