Quickies

**Sp00k** · 07-28-2007, 08:13 AM

What are the three words you don't want to hear while making love?

"Honey, I'm home!"

Have you heard about the latest Polish parachute?

It opens on impact

You want to hear God laugh? Tell him your plans. --Yiddish proverb

Have you heard that Socks the Cat died last night?

Yeah, he climbed into bed between Bill and Hillary and froze to death.

*Godfather* · 07-28-2007, 02:11 PM

Spooky

If a turtle is missing its shell is it naked or homeless

NightFaery · 07-28-2007, 09:14 PM

Good grieff!!

**Sp00k** · 07-29-2007, 03:37 AM

Two kindergarten girls were talking outside: one said,
"You won't believe what I saw on the patio yesterday--a condom!"
The second girl asked, "What's a patio?"

Regardless of what you may hear, there's still many women these days who are excellent "housekeepers". Seems each time they get a divorce, they keep the house.

NightFaery · 07-29-2007, 01:26 PM

you lil stinker!!

**Noodles** · 07-29-2007, 08:44 PM

Those are a hoot.

**Sp00k** · 08-02-2007, 06:37 AM

From one of Tom Clancy's books:
Commanding officer: "Alright! How about an attitude check???"
Crew (In Unison): "I HATE THIS FUCKING PLACE!"

CO: "Now, let's be more positive..."
Crew: "I POSITIVELY HATE THIS FUCKING PLACE!"

CO: "OK, How about a negative attitude check..."
Crew: "I DON'T LIKE THIS FUCKING PLACE!"

CO: "OK, How about a short attitude check ..?"
Crew: "FUCK THIS PLACE!"

**Noodles** · 08-02-2007, 06:40 PM

Commanding Officer was a god book.

**Sp00k** · 08-04-2007, 08:02 AM

Answering Machine Recording:
"You have reached the breast self-examination hot line. Please press 1 now.......Now press the other one.

NightFaery · 08-04-2007, 08:06 PM

cute very cute

**Sp00k** · 08-06-2007, 03:28 AM

A small boy was lost, so he went up to a policeman and said, "I've lost my dad!"
The cop said, "What's he like?"
The little boy replied, "Beer and women!"

**Noodles** · 08-06-2007, 09:48 PM

Kids

NightFaery · 08-09-2007, 07:50 PM

out of the mouths of babes