Funny Quotes

**Sp00k** · 07-04-2008, 04:12 AM

If people behaved like governments, you'd call the cops. - Kelvin Throop

"From the moment I picked your book up until I put it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it." -- Groucho Marx

**Sp00k** · 07-05-2008, 04:11 AM

All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that Ishould have been more specific. -- Jane Wagner

If I ever completely lost my nervousness I would be frightened half to death. - Paul Lynde

**Sp00k** · 07-11-2008, 06:25 AM

A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy. - Unknown

After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse. - W.C. Fields

I'd just like to say that of all the people I've ever known, you are one of them. - Unknown

A diplomat is a person who thinks twice before he says nothing. - Frederick Sawyer

If you think the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, you're aiming too high. - Unknown

**Sp00k** · 07-31-2008, 01:01 AM

Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country. -- Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, D.C.

**Dragoness_Cutie** · 07-31-2008, 08:10 AM

Quoting: Sp00k

Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country. -- Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, D.C.

Sadly... that's about right... murder capital... other crime, really not nearly as bad. Not that that really makes you feel any better, though!

Dragoness_Cutie - Proud Mod of AfterSeppuku!

Quoting: wisecat

grass always looks greener on the other side of the fence until you get over there and fall in a hole

**Sp00k** · 08-03-2008, 10:55 AM

"Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn." - Fulton Sheen.

**Sp00k** · 08-17-2008, 11:33 AM

The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it. -- Franklin P. Jones

I had a lovely evening. Unfortunately, this wasn't it. -- Groucho Marx

**Sp00k** · 08-20-2008, 08:53 AM

We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it - and stop there; lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot stove-lid. She will never sit down on a hot stove-lid again, and that is well; but also she will never sit down on a cold one anymore. -- Mark Twain

**Sp00k** · 09-01-2008, 01:41 PM

Never ruin an apology with an excuse. - Kimberly Johnson

**Sp00k** · 09-05-2008, 02:30 AM

"I can resist all things but I can't resist temptation" --Norman Danyael Teh

**Sp00k** · 09-06-2008, 08:24 AM

"I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house." --- Zsa Zsa Gabor

**Sp00k** · 09-30-2008, 12:56 PM

Life is too short for grief. Or regret. Or bullshit. - Edward Abbey

**Sp00k** · 10-09-2008, 04:34 AM

Never murder a man when he's busy committing suicide.

- Woodrow Wilson