Funny Quotes

**Sp00k** · 06-11-2007, 06:39 AM

He was a master of the one liners.

**Sp00k** · 06-13-2007, 07:25 AM

Quoting: Sp00k

He was a master of the one liners.

"I'll moider da bum. " - Heavyweight boxer Tony Galento, when asked what he thought of William.

You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of Ex-Lax, tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough. - Pearl Williams

Knowledge Talks, Wisdom Listens.

**Sp00k** · 06-14-2007, 07:32 AM

Never eat more than you can lift. - Miss Piggy

Men do not quit playing because they grow old; they grow old because they quit playing. - Oliver Wendell Holmes

**Sp00k** · 06-18-2007, 08:13 AM

"Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife." - James H. Kabbler III.

There may be some things better than sex and some things may be worse, but there is nothing exactly like it. - W. C. Fields

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take the chance? -- Edgar Bergen

You know the oxygen masks on airplanes ? I don't think there's really any oxygen. I think they're just to muffle the screams. - Rita Rudner

NightFaery · 06-18-2007, 08:29 AM

**Noodles** · 06-18-2007, 11:37 AM

Those are great

*Lisey* · 06-18-2007, 08:24 PM

Quoting: Sp00k

There may be some things better than sex and some things may be worse, but there is nothing exactly like it. - W. C. Fields

Did Mr Fields happen to tell you what things are better than sex???

"A fool always finds a greater fool to admire him" Alexander Pope

**Sp00k** · 06-19-2007, 07:41 AM

I was out that day.

**Sp00k** · 06-21-2007, 02:50 AM

"Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones." - Mike Barfield.

"An author once told me I must find my muse before I could write. When I finally found her, she was wearing a rubber helmet, a latex catsuit, a very tight corset, an armbinder, and ballet-toe boots with seven inch heels. I suspect I am not meant to be a writer." -- Unknown

I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants. -- A. Whitney Brown

**Noodles** · 06-21-2007, 12:55 PM

A. Whitney Brown always cracks me up

**Sp00k** · 06-23-2007, 07:06 AM

Everything that can be counted doesn't necessarily count; everything that counts can't necessarily be counted. - (Einstein)

"Minds are like parachutes, they only function when they're open." -- Bumper sticker

I love those slow-talking Southern girls. I was out with a Southern girl last night, took her so long to tell me she wasn't that kind of girl, she was. - Woody Woodbury

**Sp00k** · 06-24-2007, 06:33 AM

In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want anything done, ask a woman. - Margaret Thatcher

Never give up. And never, under any circumstances, face the facts. - Ruth Gordon

**Sp00k** · 06-25-2007, 09:21 AM

"There's more than one way to do it." -- The Perl Slogan

"It's a good thing there's more than one way to do it because most of them don't work." -- The Windows Perl Slogan

"We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we have been looking for as our pretext of invading Iraq. There's just one problem - it's in North Korea." - Jon Stewart

Marriage is a thing which puts a ring on a woman's finger and two under the man's eyes.