Funny Quotes

Sp00k

Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and
oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital
ingredient in beer. - Dave Barry


It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.


If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.


Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.


"Just because we pay inexperienced strangers to tell us how to do our jobs, that doesn't mean we're morons!"
"Yeah! It's a coincidence." -- Wally, Dilbert


"Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?" -- John Mendosa.

Sp00k

Our culture runs on coffee and gasoline, the first often tasting like the second.

- Edward Abbey


"Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the
only time of the month that I can be myself." - Roseanne

Sp00k

There is nothing so irritating as somebody with less intelligence and more sense than we have. --Don Herold

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.

Lisey

Sp00k

'A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance and to turn round three times before lying down', --- Robert Benchley


Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.' --- Charlie Brown.



"Television has brought back murder into the home -- where it belongs." -- Alfred Hitchcock -

Sp00k

"There is science, logic, reason; there is thought verified by experience. And
then there is California." --Edward Abbey


There are three kinds of people -- those who can count and those who can't.


"Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?" - Mork, Mork and Mindy

NightFaery

great one my Spook

Sp00k

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.


Only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy.
One is to let her think she is having her own way, and
the other is to let her have it.

- Lyndon B. Johnson


The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on; it is
never of any use to oneself.
--Oscar Wilde


You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever
see a smart woman with a dumb guy. - Erica Jong


"I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward
more freedom and democracy - but that could change."

- J. Danforth Quayle, former U.S. Vice-President, May 22, 1989


Mel Blanc's epitaph - "That's all folks!"


I wish to you your life to be like toilet paper............Long and useful.

Noodles

Sp00k

Why don't women blink during foreplay?

They don't have time.


Definition:
Politics Poli (Poly): Many.... Tic(k)s: Blood sucking creatures


"Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.


"Having sex is like playing bridge.
If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand." - Woody Allen



Got in trouble for watching a woman breast feed her baby at the mall, she got mad
and told her husband to beat the shit out of me....now I admit the flashbulb may
have made the baby cry....Rodney Dangerfield

Noodles

Sp00k

'When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason - there's a reason' - Molly McGee

ON PROPHECY The meek shall inherit the earth---they are too weak to refuse.


On A Church Notice Board:
Today's Sermon:
Do Not Be Deceived By Rev. Arthur McConnel