10. NATIONAL LAMPOON’S CHRISTMAS VACATION (1989)
The insulter: Clark Griswold (Chevy Chase)
The situation: Not having a happy holidays, Clark reveals his Christmas wish would be to tell his boss the following tirade.
The insult: “You cheap, lying, no good, rotten, floor flushing, low life, snake licking, dirt eating, inbred, over-stuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fatass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spineless, worm-headed sack of monkey shit!”
Why it rules: We’ve all wanted to call our boss an asshole, but this is taking it to the next level.
9. ANCHORMAN (2004)
The insulter: Ron Burgundy (Will Ferrell)
The situation: Ron and his female co-anchor Veronica Corningstone trade insults on the newsroom floor. Hers suck. His don’t.
The insult: “You are a smelly pirate hooker. Why don’t you go back to your home on Whore Island?”
Why it rules: Because women really should go back to their homes on Whore Island.
8. SEXY BEAST (2000)
The insulter: Don Logan (Ben Kingsley)
The situation: Nutcase Don is in Spain to convince retired gangster Gal to return to the UK for one more job. Gal likes the Spanish sun too much.
The insult: “You're the problem! You're the fucking problem you fucking Dr. White honkin' jam-rag fucking spunk-bubble!”
Why it rules: Such filth coming from the mouth of Gandhi? Genius!
7. KISS KISS, BANG BANG (2005)
The insulter: Gay Perry (Val Kilmer)
The situation: Dumbass criminal and part-time investigator Harry Lockheart throws Perry’s gun into a lake without realising it is important evidence.
The insult: “Look up idiot in the dictionary. You know what you'll find?”
“A picture of me?”
“No! The definition of the word ‘idiot’, which you fucking are!”
Why it rules: Second-guesses Harry (and the audience) with its logical brilliance.
6. A FISH CALLED WANDA (1988)
The insulter: Wanda Gershwitz (Jamie Lee Curtis)
The situation: Lust object Wanda puts it to Kevin Kline’s kidnapper Otto that he’s not as bright as he thinks he is.
The insult: "To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people. I've known sheep who could outwit you. I've worn dresses with higher IQs, but you think you're an intellectual, don't you, ape?"
Why it rules: It’s just one of many fine insults in a fantastically written movie.
5. PREDATOR (1987)
The insulter: Dutch (Arnold Schwarzenegger)
The situation: After a rumble in the jungle with his intergalactic enemy, Colonel Dutch finally comes face to face with the Predator and dashes his hopes for a snog.
The insult: “You’re one ugly motherfucker!”
Why it rules: No need for witty one-liners here: straight to the point and devastatingly brutal, even for an alien.
4. GET CARTER (1971)
The insulter: Jack Carter (Michael Caine)
The situation: Returning home to find his brother dead in mysterious circumstances, professional killer Jack re-introduces himself to the snivelling Eric.
The insult: “You know, I'd almost forgotten what your eyes looked like. Still the same. Pissholes in the snow.”
Why it rules: Try and stop thinking about it next time your girlfriend asks if you like her eyes.
3. GONE WITH THE WIND (1939)
The insulter: Rhett Butler (Clark Gable)
The situation: Having had all he can stand of Scarlett’s whinging and whimpering, Butler puts his bitch on ice.
The insult: “Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn.”
Why it rules: Back in the 1930’s, this was worth a million ‘motherfuckers’.
2. MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL (1975)
The insulter: Taunting French Guard (John Cleese)
The situation: Atop his castle, the French guard pours scorn on King Arthur and his “silly kerrniggits”, spitting down vitriol like acid rain.
The insult: “I don't wanna talk to you no more, you empty headed, animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.”
Why it rules: It’s hard to argue with that sort of reasoning. And he is French.
1. FULL METAL JACKET (1987)
The insulter: Gunnery Sgt. Hartman (R. Lee Ermey)
The situation: Tubster Private Pyle dares break a smile while having his hair dryed by his furious drill sergeant. What followed were the most brutal, most heartless and most downright hilarious insults in movie history. It’s almost impossible to pick one amongst a tirade that lasts several minutes (“You look like you could suck a golf ball through a garden hose,” “I didn’t know they stacked shit that high,” “Looks to me like the best part of you ran down your momma’s crack and ended up a brown stain on the mattress,” and so on) but pick one we had to…
The insult: “Did your parents have any children that lived?”
Why it rules: Breathtaking in its brevity, it’s an insult so devastating, the recipient kills himself later in the picture.
Best Movie Insults
